Beauty Daredevil Gifts

Bad fake tan day.

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

'How's the water skiing?'

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"How's it look back there?"

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

Fred's Tie: A Momentary Lapse of Judgement or A Cry For Help?

Guide dog leads blind ski jumper off ramp.

'I'll grow old gracefully when I want to and not any sooner.'

"If at first you don't succeed, buy me another drink."

"The clothes looked extra dirty... so I used the whole box of detergent!"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Look I've already said, I'm not going to bed with you on our first date"

"So what's your success rate?"

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

'I solemnly - whooooaaah - delcare...'

'I warn you; I'm no pig to be truffled with

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

'Okay, so you've proved a point - you really do love me!'

Ass-less Chaps

An man with an axe removes tattoos.

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

'So -- how did your date go? 'Lousy! -- She tried to impose her moral standards on me!'

Saville Row surprise

Chaplain Speedo: speed dating, express marriage, quick counseling, overnight divorce. Drive Thru.

Nothing personal, but I can only tolerate so many jackasses in a given week. I can understand that ... Especially during an election year.

"Now that's reality TV."

'I'm tellin' you, Maurice, you should try it. I feel younger, more confident and just yesterday I caught a coupla gibbons checkin' me out.'

Man anchors suspenders to ground as he prepares to jump with girlfriend at lover's leap.

"Whoa, Fred!! Where'd you get that ridiculous shirt??!"

Male Green Beret applying face camouflage - female Green Beret applying lipstick.

"I hope you don't think I'm the type of girl who would look up from her phone on the first date."

How to have long, luscious hair in two easy steps 1) Have short, luscious hair. 2) Don't cut it.

"Actually, I'm not long back on the dating scene myself."

"Great stupid haircut!"