Bear Encounter Survivor Gifts

'If a bear attacks and I have to play dead I want it to be as convincing as possible!'

First aid in mountains

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

Barbeque Casualty.

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'You brought my slippers?... What kind of rescue dog are you?!'

Sub-prime Bear

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'Honey's a real problem for me. Whenever I try to cut back, I just end up binging on campers.'

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

'Probably just another correctional movement...'

Sling

Make Your Portfolio BEARable.

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"I tweeted yesterday. 'Sleep with your windows open'. It was liked and shared by 2000 mosquitos."

Bear Bears his Cross

Offering a golfer a spade.

"I hate sand traps."

'You got something against bear hugs?'

'Always with the hugs! Would it kill you to kiss me once in a while?'

'You have two of the most beautiful legs in the world. I counted them.'

"That's not a haboob. It's Ed trying to get his ball out of a bunker."

'And don't bother your father. He tossed and turned all winter.'

Bear Market

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Is there any particular reason your middle name is stinky?'

'Some things you just accept when you move to San Andreas.'

Coffee cup lids that don't fit properly and then dribble dwon the front of your best outfit just before the big meeting.

"How was the ski trip?"