Beanstalk Boomer Gifts

Wonderland Investors Club. Everybody has a different investment strategy. The seven dwarfs love to buy low. Jack with the Beanstalk wants to see rapid growth. And a strategy of buying and holding for the long term works for Rip van Winkle. Georgie Porgie has not had any success. He's gone broke with unwise, impulsive decisions. They guy just can't stop himself from kissing his money goodbye.

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Boomerang cow.

"I couldn't work out how a boomerang worked - then it came back to me. . !"

'Back in the day, you could leverage . . .'

"Remember, son, no matter what happens to you, we intend to always keep your room at home exactly as it is right now...empty."

And so Bob's folks sent him off into the world. But not before running a few last tests, just to be sure he could handle it.

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

Planting vegetables - "BEAN there done that."

"And that is why GMO's are bad."

'Face facts, Lenny †your boomerang is not coming back.'

Worker escapes his cubicle by climbing a beanstalk.

"Bono is nice, and Bono cares, but I really dig Barry Manilow."

'The packet says 'do not climb without safety harness'.'

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

Yeah, I just sold our other cow on Craigslist and put the seed money in a growth fund. Jack's brother was the practical one.

"Is that decaf?"

Old hippie

'The Australians are having problems today.'

'You spent all day mashing a can of a hundred baked beans and drawing a little man on them to look like pennies?'

'Success in Business'

"Sod climbing it - I'm gonna smoke it...!"

"I took a viagra before going to the senior citizen's dance, last night, and I couldn't get anyone to come to my place. So there I stood, all dressed up and no place to go!"

"He spent all morning trying to teach me my own name."

'Well, if it isn't the guy wiith the draggin' tattoo!'

'Look - the giant is dead! You got your cow back! Stop worrying about the loss of the bean crop!'

Jack's mom is angry that all he got for their cow was a sack of magic beans. Some "stock trades" take a little bit of time to show a profit.

Leave it to Boomer

'So, did you use compost or chemical fertilizers?'

"They've got Hank on some of that medical marijuana."

'Jack, we're counting on you and Bessie to make our dream of a Beanstalk Museum come true.'

Man with a football tattooed onto his stomach.