Battle-ready Barristers Gifts

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

The annual running of the lawyers.

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

'...youngsters need to be shown how the law REALLY works if they want a career in it!'

"No, he's not grounded anymore. He used his allowance and lawyered up."

Time is running out for Julian Assange.

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'Brain surgery, right?'

Welcome to middle management. Here's your shield.

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'

With Liberty handcuffed,,the thought police pursue happiness,

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

Corporate Lawyers

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

'... And then Goldsmith here, said to him: 'Never mind, if you're innocent you have nothing to worry about'.'

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...

Sports Lawyers

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."