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Lithium Fair

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

AA Meeting Here Today

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Canadian film production

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Little Red Riding Carpet

"You'll do everything...accounting, marketing, manufacturing...with no pay or benefits...and three years from now we'll trade you in for a newer, sexier model."

Tim Burton

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

"All stories have been told, all songs have been sung. But that won't stop us from making movie reboots."

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

"And the award for the best use of AI in a movie goes to..."

'The Easter Bunny has started outsourcing to us.'

"No. I don't want to see an all-male production of 'Little Women.' "

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.