Bathroom Break Strategist Gifts

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

"Mom said to put her on your 'Don't bother me I'm taking a bath' list!"

"So hardly working....or hardly working?"

"It's not a nap if I'm sitting at my desk."

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

"Morning Gorgeous!"

"See you in the morning."

'Martha, my battleship sank.'

I realized I do my best thinking in the shower.

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

From here vantage point Colonel Katchamka realised she could see the Polish boarder.

'A simple 'I like mine hard boiled' would have done!'

"The water was too hot."

Lav Nav

Climbing into the bathtub

"I’ll be back — I just have to pee for 90 minutes."

A couple look at a graph on their bed

Windscreen wiper on mirror to clean mess from youth squeezing spots

'Looks like we lucked out.'

"I took 30 showers today, so I'm good for the month."

"Yes, mom, I forgot my towel. Now I need an exit strategy!"

Suggestion box attached to headboard on bed

Alien Toilet Break

The mathematician and his son...