Baseball Whisperer Pillows

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

"Now all we need is a good script."

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

Duplass Brothers

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Cleaning the Horse

'Boy, are the markets getting sensitive, anymore.'

"You say there's a dip in the market?"

"Have you thought about early retirement?"

'Let the ball do the work, son.'

'I see you have a stock market/body connection.'

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

Always stick to the script.

Alas, poor Yorick!

"Yeah, I've been radio-tagged by scientists, so once a week, out of spite, I do something irrational just to mess up their data..."

'Psst - my wife works part time for the IRS!'

Stock Market Decline

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

"The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed advice for a fee."

'I'm not asking anything for me but would you indicate to me as to whether you are bullish or bearish?'

Bureau of Rosy Statistics

"Now we mustn't lose our temper Wendy, perhaps we'll be good enough for the gymkhana next year."

''Stiff shaft', 'long and straight', 'up and in'...I thought you were talking about sex!'

"The market reacted today on rumors that the rumors were only rumors..."

"Ms. Frobisher, you know the market has turned around when suddenly you have nothing more to lose and everything to gain."

"Relax...it's only insider trading if you get caught."

"Things are going well, so I may as well ask: how about those Mets? Ha-ha, just kidding. The tail. Please fix this tail thing."