Bartender's Best Friend Pillows

'I've been granted amnesty from sobriety.'

'Fred runs away now and then, but the bartenders always get tired of him and send him home.'

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

Yoga for Alcoholics

"Now I really hate poetry."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'No ice.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Join me in a Martini?

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

We'll have Manhattans...

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

Happy Hour

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

Shaken not stirred

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

"A pint! I'll need proof, and that's human years, not dog years!"