Bartenders Pillows

'To enablers!'

'I see you back there!'

"Let me guess - stout and bitter?"

"You draw clip-art? What a coincidence - I write Muzak!"

'What, no Johnnie Walker Black?'

Boy found drinking by a policeman

'Bartender! Will you please explain why my gaze has fallen upon a piece of wall not plastered with a blaring high-def TV???'

'Okay, a rabbi, a penguin and a lesbian go into a bar...good premise, but then what happens?'

"Gimme another flu-shot, Bernie. . . and make it a double!"

'If dodos are extinct, how do you explain our foreign policy?'

'If dodos are extinct, how do you explain our foreign policy?'

JOE'S BAR, 'You can't call Joe a racist for throwing you out, dummy - you're both WHITE!'

"Miss, I'd like to order now, unless I've already eaten, in which case, bring me another drink."

"Come here often?"

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

"My alcohol intake has more than doubled over the last four years, and the President has done precious little to prevent it."

John's invention of a 'motorised' bar stool proved to be great fun.

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

'He comes in here every Monday morning to unwind from the pressures of work!'

"I'll have a Mai Tie."

'Why do you knock them back so quickly?' - 'I had one stolen once.'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

"If that's my mom tell her I'm at recess."

"I do some random immorality but my bread and butter is necessary evil."

"I'm telling you we don't have absinthe. How about a white wine?"

"I want a vacation. I'd like to drink somewhere else."

"Do I have to take sides between Ed Koch and Donald Trump?"

"I keep thinking how much pleasanter New York would be without Ed, Donald, and George."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'