Bark Connoisseur Gifts

Most Annoying Bark

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

No Soliciting

Best Before 5th Pint.

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Arf! Arf!'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

Dog phrenology

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

'Malty tasking.'

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

4 Reasons People Love Oktoberfest

'Sure, he acts like he's into you now, but, trust me...he's only interested in one thing.'

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

'Don't make such a fuss woman, he's only a puppy!'

Dyslexic Cattle Ranch

Doggie door in The Pearly Gates.

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

Wine at the Bar

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"Thanks for your concern, and yes, I'm a rescue dog, but that's my actual job title: I rescue people..."

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

Dog in therapy.

Dog enjoying a sniffathon.

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."