Bariatric Specialist Pillows

'It's the most effective appetite suppressant available,'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

A gastric band is meant to go on the inside!

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'Of course she looks thinner. She's had surgery. Did you see the rubber stopper in her stomach?'

"Diet, exercise, drugs, surgery - if all these fail you should get your husband to build you an Ames room."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

Ruddy bloggers!

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"Lap fish..."

'Hi! I'm on the tree.'

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

Desert Dermatologist

"Oh...Hi Bob, listen buddy, I'm in a meeting right now, I'll Caw you back."

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'

"Eres la chica mas linda del mundo."

Medical Examinations.

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"It's just a hunch, but you spend a lot time at your computer, don't you?"

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"I love my new texting app, it automatically selects peoples preferred pronouns."

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.