Bariatric Specialist Gifts

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

A gastric band is meant to go on the inside!

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'Of course she looks thinner. She's had surgery. Did you see the rubber stopper in her stomach?'

"Diet, exercise, drugs, surgery - if all these fail you should get your husband to build you an Ames room."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

Ruddy bloggers!

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"Lap fish..."

'Hi! I'm on the tree.'

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Eres la chica mas linda del mundo."

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'

"Oh...Hi Bob, listen buddy, I'm in a meeting right now, I'll Caw you back."

Desert Dermatologist

Medical Examinations.

"It's just a hunch, but you spend a lot time at your computer, don't you?"

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

"I love my new texting app, it automatically selects peoples preferred pronouns."