Bargain Bibliophiles Gifts

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

A Quiet Rebuke.

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

'That'll be four thousand and eighty pounds please'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

Online Shopping.

Customer Convention

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

'Please, Dad? Can we? Can we? Pleeeease?'

"'Thou shalt give good discounts'? That's a commandment?"

How much would you take off for cash?

"They weren't doing a two for one on moisturisers, low fat yogurt or muesli then!!"

'How do I qualify for the 'Preferred Customer Discount' you're advertising?' 'Do you have a pulse?'

"There is such a thing as a free lunch-it just tastes bad."

'Water into wine is certainly impressive. D'you do water into petrol?'

Clothes sale - everything must go!

Sale today - 50% off everything!

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

Bargains

New From The People Who Brought You I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Petroleum-By-Product Sandwich Spread

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

Autos. You can drive a hard bargain, but you may find a bargain is hard to drive.

'They've agreed to our 3-book, 7-figure offer, but only if you remain obscene and obnoxious through book 2.'

'You're my 100,000th conviction... so, I'm going to take 25 off your sentence.'

'They've got a great deal here. When you buy one meal, I get mine half price!'

Books: Book on tape then back on book, then back on tape again. . . sold here!

Black Friday

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

Garage Sales Anonymous