Barfly Chuckler T-Shirts

'Would a motorist be up for damages? Not unless he had his car with him.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

"I consider myself a passionate man, but, of course, a lawyer first."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

"I don't know if I've mentioned this before, Greg, but you are a very attractive man."

"I've spent the last 6 months teaching myself escapology."

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'Say, did you know that we actually only use a very small portion of our brain?'

'You know you haven't been good, and I know you haven't been good, but good, nevertheless, is your public stance.'

"On this diet, you can eat all you want of anything you can grow."

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'

Oh, those are just photos of my first 1,000 kids – I haven't shown you the second 1,000 yet.

Thank you for not engaging in pointless debates.

"The reason I couldn't make it as a lawyer is I couldn't pass a bar."

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

"Sorry, Jeff. Two's company, three's an infestation."

"I'm installing a backup camera. I'm tired of you sending me out to repair all the chimneys you back into."

"Still fat."

Pluto Named Dwarf Planet

"I keep getting into a flap."

"It's Billy Graham ... he doesn't want to stop preaching!"

"Yeah, our first album went vinyl."

"That must be earlier worm."

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

'Time's up, chuckles.'

Yoga - moooooooo.

'I'ts good we don't have to make a living up here. I sold life insurance.'

Guy over there wants to know if he can buy you a chaser.

"Actually, sir, the rules were chiseled in stone."

"The Foie Gras parfait sounds nice, and the ox cheek daube with star anise. But we've decided to go for the leftovers."