Barfly Bon Vivant T-Shirts

"That's cute, but you'll never realize your phone's ringing in here if your ringtone's a belch."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Fried chickens.'

"Catnip for everyone."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

Quiz Night...

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'All I said was 'belly up to the bar'.'

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'