Bar Mitzvah Planning T-Shirts

"My parents want me to have a bar mitzvah in Israel, but I'd rather have it in Yankee Stadium."

Tartine

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Cocktails on the verandah.

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

Champagne

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Cardiac Recovery.

'He made an excellent jelly.'

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

We'll have Manhattans...

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Punt Cake

"How should we divide the teams?"

'I always cry at weddings!'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel