Bar Humor Appreciators Gifts

'Still think rodeo isn't faked?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

Virtual Lap Dancing

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"We met in the Galapagos."

People talking through a stethoscope.

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."