Bar Fly Who Thinks It's Goats Listening Pillows

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

'George said he was coming here to unwind.'

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

Pub restrooms; Thugs - Thugettes

"Do you take dark money?"

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"Ooops - I'm afraid that was my beer...wait a second whilst I consult my swearword consultant."

"That's right, Carl. I'm bitchy. I'm supposed to be bitchy."

"I don't know 'where I've been all of your life', but wherever it was, I wish I was there now!"

It was the bottom of the fifth and the bases were loaded.

'The gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you an aphrodisiac.'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

"...and when the show's not on the road, we still like to work together."

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

Slow, Men at Work.

'I wonder if I can declare you as dependents on my income taxes?'

'Anyone can eat right... but it takes a top performer to drink right.'

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

Joe's Tavern: Perfect Attendance

You give dives a bad name. Somebody has to!

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

Climbing with a mountain goat.

'Ah, Dr. Mecklenburg, noted research scientist, we meet again.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'