Bangs Aficionado Pillows

I used to have bangs: a memoir

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Hacking through ice in order to fish

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

Why would a dog wear a hat?

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

The Brazilian Blow dry

Man indignant at having caught no fish

Western Outfitters.

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."

"Jewelry store, visit our ATM."

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

"I designed it with you particularly in mind, Mrs. Dillman!"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Four fishermen catch the same fish.

Australian Mobile Bar

'Make it look like an accident.'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

Ocean Liners will be Ocean Liners

One youth says: 'Lamppost, bollard, tarmac, kerb.' Other says: Zebra crossing,traffic hump, postbox.' Caption: Street language

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

Man and bird

A day at the races

'And, may I add, this hat does not scream, 'Bald Guy'.'

'Is that a wig?'

Pizza London Eye

"Whoever made fun of my hat better step forward now, or I'll turn this march around!"

"I'm going out for beef chow mein - want anything?"

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

"And were you wearing that particular hat on the night of the murder?"