Ballpark Yogi Gifts

"The seventh-inning triangle pose..."

"Do you guys serve beer?"

Yoga for Alcoholics

Yoga classes door.

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind and cashflow."

Currently Boston

'Do you really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"It is my place!"

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Well, it gets lonely up here!"

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

'We have to move - they're putting in a cell phone tower up here.'

'Oh, sure -- You want me to waste my valuable time helping you extinguish your ego'

"I've had a lot of free time this year."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

"Thank you."

'Thanks to your Yoga classes, my usual state of catatonic stupor is easily mistaken for deep deliberation.'

'So the yoga classes are working out pretty well for you then?'

ME, MEDITATING ON NO-SELF

"I don't think he can touch your in-the-dirt ball."

"Here goes nothing."

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

Baseball Angels

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."

For Marcos, dissolving the ego was going to be a long-term process.

"Which celebrities do this type of yoga?"

"...Ouch...Ouch...Ouch...Ouch..."

Yogi Comedy: A yogi comedian tells a yoga joke. '...is this thing aum?'

"Remember, ladies, if you're doing this right, you shouldn't be able to do it."

Downward Dog

'Yo, Bob! I think a heckler just nailed me with something. What's on my back?'