Balding Satirist Gifts

Whale Pattern Balding

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

Sock Puppet in Literature

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Yeah, he was a good boss, and we'll miss him. Somebody kick his briefcase down there, too.'

"I've decided to go a different way for our new health plan."

'Secondhand smoke.'

"It's perfect! You're a government redactor, and I'm a broadcast network word bleeper."

Bachelors and Masters degrees.

Blockhead

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

"Your problem isn't the prescription."

A cockroach controlling Donald Trump with puppet strings

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

A la recherche des cheveux perdus.

Thomas Carlyle

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

Cowboy Trump

"We're going to need more words for flip-flops."

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

Whale shoots rocket at whaling boat.

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.