Balding Banterer Pillows

"I'm hoping that someday I might be reunited with my biological hair."

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'Hey, look. This anti hair loss treatment is finally working. My hair's stopped falling out!'

Balding gnomes

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"When it takes longer to wash your face, you're getting bald."

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

A la recherche des cheveux perdus.

"Who's a pretty boy?"

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

'I use that to check for combovers.'

Whale Pattern Balding

The less celebrated, but still spectacular, combover eagle.

Grange Hildegard.

Hair loss comb.

'What you look at it? You want a piece of me, is that what you want?'

'I'm prescribing Rogaine for your head and Roloss for your back.'

'The kids in the barnyard called me a 'turkey'!'

'I still have all my own teeth but my head is false.'

Whale Pattern Balding,

'You can tell when you're getting older when your ears are hairier than your head!'

"Yep, it's irritable fowl syndrome alright."

"Not too much off the top, Floyd!"

"Face it, Herb, you're a bald eagle..."

"Will you stop saying 'I thought you liked a bit of rough...!!'"

"Things are going well, so I may as well ask: how about those Mets? Ha-ha, just kidding. The tail. Please fix this tail thing."

Baseball player: 'I'll let my bat do my talking!' BAT: '...I have nothing to say'

'Like I told you: French is English spelt backwards!'

"All I know is there are no do-overs, but there are comb-overs."

'Why are you so rude?'

"The sun is killing me up here. . ."

Uneasy lies the head that wears a cheap toupee to bed.

'Don't be silly- it doesn't bother me that you're going prematurely piebald,'