Balanced Diet Enthusiast Gifts

"Yes, your blood work is not good! Going after the weak, sick or old is not conducive to eating well now, is it?"

All Natural Nothing

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

"This cat has got to go on a diet...he weighs 78 pounds!"

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'I'm sorry but I can't bring out the dessert menu until both of you have eaten your veggies, company policy.'

'Well that's a first Mr.Grimes - you appear to be suffering from an excess of omega 3.'

Diet Cud

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Looks like you've got enough fiber in your system.'

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.

'The nation is evenly divided again...the red states, Atkins Diet...the blue states, South Beach.'

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"