Balanced Diet Gifts

'One four ounce serving supplies minimum daily requirement of butylated hydroxyanisole...'

'Looks like you've got enough fiber in your system.'

'They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but I say it's lunch. If it were the other way around, I'd be dead by now, since I've been sleeping through breakfast for years.'

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

"You can't just tell people to eat shit anymore -- now you also gotta tell 'em how many calories it contains."

The eat well - lose weight - be calm diet.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Soup of the month.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

The discovery of asparagus.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Vegetarian is an old Indian word which means bad hunter.'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Macho Vegetarian

"You won’t need refills."

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"The only way to stop the spread is to eat less and exercise more."

Obesity Report

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

“Children hate me.”

'You must stop feeding him fish oils to make him cleverer.'