Bailiff Gifts

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

Trophies of debt collector's heads.

Bailiff, swearing in witness in court: 'Do you swear to spin the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?'

"I'll take this too"

"Ask the judge whether we can find the defendant not guilty and still execute him."

'Bailiff, would you please send a text to, juror #2 and instruct him to put his phone away.'

'The motels are full, Your Honor -- could we maybe sequester the jury at your house?'

'Sir, just hand it to the bailiff.'

'New bailiff!'

'If you refuse to open the door, we have the authority to huff and puff, and blow your house down.'

"State your name, age, place of residence, and natural hair color."

Bailiff to court: 'Next case: The Internet economy versus millions of investors who should have known better.'

Bad customer care dept.

'I know you're a bill collector, but wouldn't you have more fun with stamps.'

'The Donnallys lost their car, but you've got to admire the way they're meeting adversity.'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"There's the man who ripped my Rolex off my wrist!"

"The bailiff will change the venue."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

"You must tell the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, pinky swear."

"Your honour the people recommend bail be denied as we feel the defendant is a flight risk."

'Sir, the jury says if this trial isn't over soon, they're going to plead temporary insanity.'

'If you are looking for a job in a growth industry, how about being a Bailiff...?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

School of hard knockers - debt collecting training course.

"That;s right, sir, Ronald Loans, Bailiff."

"We're being laid off. Prisoners will be tried by the media."

"Normally, you would just say 'all rise' when I enter the courtroom."

"Disorder in the Court!"

Disorder in the Court!

Repossessions

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

'The jury is deadlocked on where to go for lunch.'

'...here to repossess the lawnmower.'