Bailiff Pillows

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

Trophies of debt collector's heads.

Bailiff, swearing in witness in court: 'Do you swear to spin the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?'

"I'll take this too"

"Ask the judge whether we can find the defendant not guilty and still execute him."

'Bailiff, would you please send a text to, juror #2 and instruct him to put his phone away.'

'The motels are full, Your Honor -- could we maybe sequester the jury at your house?'

'Sir, just hand it to the bailiff.'

'New bailiff!'

Pacemaker Payments.

'If you refuse to open the door, we have the authority to huff and puff, and blow your house down.'

"State your name, age, place of residence, and natural hair color."

Bad customer care dept.

"You must tell the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, pinky swear."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

"There's the man who ripped my Rolex off my wrist!"

"The bailiff will change the venue."

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'The Donnallys lost their car, but you've got to admire the way they're meeting adversity.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'I know you're a bill collector, but wouldn't you have more fun with stamps.'

Bailiff to court: 'Next case: The Internet economy versus millions of investors who should have known better.'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

Repossessions

Disorder in the Court!

"Disorder in the Court!"

"Normally, you would just say 'all rise' when I enter the courtroom."

"We're being laid off. Prisoners will be tried by the media."

"That;s right, sir, Ronald Loans, Bailiff."

School of hard knockers - debt collecting training course.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'If you are looking for a job in a growth industry, how about being a Bailiff...?'

'Sir, the jury says if this trial isn't over soon, they're going to plead temporary insanity.'

"Your honour the people recommend bail be denied as we feel the defendant is a flight risk."