Bagged Wine Skeptic Gifts

'Sorry, it's just not the same. I liked to hear the cork popping and the gurgle of pouring wine.'

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

Wine: New & Old!!!

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

'£17 a bottle. It must be a fairly good wine.'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"Wanna chill at my place?"

'That's Jeb Lambert. He was actually the first one to say 'paper or plastic'. Before that everyone said 'plastic or paper'... I mean, can you imagine?'

"This cheap wine doesn't have a cork to smell, but the label is scratch and sniff."

"Of course no one is drinking the wine - it's the Murder Mystery Writers Association."

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

'You paid three goats for this? Robertus Parkerus only rated it LXXIV.'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"This one's rubbish as well."

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

"Very good, one bottle of selection #2815, or as we like to call it, Chateau Cash Flow."

"Hard to believe this actually started as a vertical tasting."

'No wonder they call themselves Miracle Vineyards. The label says this red is 50 Merlot, 50 Cabernet and 50 Sangiovese.'

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

Giamatti: Full-bodied, with subtle hints of chicory, chocolate, and feet.