Bagel Snob Gifts

"I can't find a decent bagel in this place."

"I'm just here to pick up some bagels."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Countervailing Clichés.

"The bagels are better in New York."

"It'll take three wishes to get less cream cheese on your bagels in New York."

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Bed & Bagel'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

Ino & Frieda's 'Bed and Bagel'

Bagel problems.

Inappropriate garnish.

The Bagel Wheel Derby.

The exciting new M-2000 Winnebagel / A Winnebago in the form of a Bagel.

Bagel Story

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

An everything bagel? You call this an everything bagel?

"How do you keep a bagel from getting away?"

Lox Ness Monster

'The store was out of bread, so instead I bought bagels.'

Almost Everything Bagel

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"Everything bagel?"

"Who invented Cinnamon-Raisin again?"

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."