Baftas T-Shirts

Oscars

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Meet the author"

Face painting by numbers.

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

Tunnel of Like.

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

Test your patience, back in one hour.

Dinner at the Jolly Sandboys (opening to Ch 19)

Tonite: Gala Costume Party. Got your costume for the big party? No, I'll just part my hair on the other side and go as my own reflection.

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

Board of Directors enter the 'Tunnel of Corporate Love'.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

Getting the bus back into town from the Bologna Children's Book Fair...

May I have the envelope, please?

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

The nonprofit dog fight.

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"You're probably wondering why I called you in here today..."

Margaret Thatcher as the rad queen in [Alice] Through the Looking Glass. Her clothes display symbols of her policies, such as a map of the Falkland Islands and policemen's helmets

The interminable!

"Sorry Kid?"

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

"Nominations for best skinny mad white dude goes to..."

"Good autobiography, but I preferred your memoirs."

Woman dragging reluctant partner into Tunnel of Commitment.