Bad Coffee Survivor Gifts

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Too Much Coffee Man

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

'What a day! My secretary was out, our biggest customer canceled a large order, the computer broke down, I didn't have any lunch, and leaving work I got stuck for an hour in the elevator with an 18 year old nympho with big breasts!'

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

"The cat walking business didn't go anywhere! Neither did we."

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

'I didn't know it was so dangerous. . . Mac's coffee.'

Green Coffee

'It just hasn't been my day.'

'Caffeinated or decaffeinated?'

The menu said this soup is recommended for mature diners, and is rated "AFS." What does that stand for? "Adult fly situations."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"Thanks, but do you have anything stronger than 'have a nice day'?"

"Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury."

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

"You have a giant rip in your pants."

"That's just great! The boat sank and it's hide tide. What else could go wrong?!"

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

'It beats getting up early and getting a worm.'

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

'Son, history repeats itself...just like your mother's radish pepper salsa.'

'This day goes from bad to worse.'

'Here comes my date now. When I first met him, I assumed he was a good listener, but that hasn't been the case.'

protecting keyboard from drink

"Just a plain black coffee? You trying to get me fired?"

ACME Vending LTD

'Oh, sorry. I guess I forgot to mention we're going to a nudist resort.' (Another memorable first date for Jennifer.)

The beer-proof beret!

"I'm not ready for a relationship, maybe after I've finished this bottle of wine?"

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'