Backyard Renovation Gifts

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'Check out the rack on this hot babe.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"I use old Duke to check my steaks. If it feels like Duke's tongue, it's rare, if it feels like his ear, it's medium. . ."

'Nice barbecue, Normy!!'

"Can we get a bigger pool to accommodate all my floats?"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

Gardener

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

Ode to a Grill

Gardening#2

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"I think this is the perfect place to grow a family."

"The parasol certainly paid for itself this summer."

Bird Bath.

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

The moles have adapted to the winter weather.

Windchimes

Human males marking territory.

'I think my husband's DIYed and gone to heaven.'

A tree with leaves; a rake standing upright in a pile of leaves.

"I'm paid by the hour. Why do you ask?"

Bird family on top of birdhouse surveying back yard: 'This place has all the amenities, including a master bath in the yard by the Zinnias.'

"On second thought, could you take it out and just teach him how to use the door knob?"

Bazzini & Sons Lawn Service: 'We don't cut corners'.

"I wanted something classical, he wanted a vegetable garden, so we compromised..."

'Hmm, back to the drawing board.'

Time Table

'What am I doing? Well, I'd planned on going to the office and goofing off...then I remembered I'm retired.'