Backdrop Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Congratulations! You win our TV Interview Backdrop Competition!"

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Doing the borders.

Painting clouds

"The note in the bottle said someone's stranded here, but where is he?"

The Adventures of God

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

"You're my Mona Lisa."

'I was in a camouflage unit, so this one is for Hide and Seek.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Hither and Yon sign

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Framed Lady

Nature Lovers

Diego Velasquez

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

'How do you like my new 'Blend with the Background' skin?'

"I take it this is your first interview since the start of lockdown?"

"Set already!"

Rating the Sunset

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

She. 'Isn't it a pretty view?' Susceptible Youth. 'Awfully pretty, by Jove!'

'This one is for Hide and Seek.'

"It's Cinderella?!?"

"I worry about you, Dinkins. . . you seem to be losing the big picture."

"Well, that's show business."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

Phoebe Mary Waller-Bridge caricature

"Someday, all this will be infrastructure."

J. M. W. Turner

'It's just a calendar, who cares what it looks like?'