Backdrop Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Congratulations! You win our TV Interview Backdrop Competition!"

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Painting clouds

Doing the borders.

"The note in the bottle said someone's stranded here, but where is he?"

The Adventures of God

Hither and Yon sign

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"You're my Mona Lisa."

'I was in a camouflage unit, so this one is for Hide and Seek.'

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Framed Lady

Nature Lovers

Diego Velasquez

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

"I take it this is your first interview since the start of lockdown?"

'How do you like my new 'Blend with the Background' skin?'

Rating the Sunset

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

"Set already!"

She. 'Isn't it a pretty view?' Susceptible Youth. 'Awfully pretty, by Jove!'

'This one is for Hide and Seek.'

"Well, that's show business."

"I worry about you, Dinkins. . . you seem to be losing the big picture."

"It's Cinderella?!?"

"Nice. Got this in camo?"

"I bought a fake rock to cover up this ugly rock."

J. M. W. Turner

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"Someday, all this will be infrastructure."