Back-to-school Negotiator Gifts

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"Houston, we have a problem!"

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

'Early to bed and early to rise? It's a deal.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

"Oh no! Not more graphs? And on our first day back at school!"

'I'll do your taxes for you, daddy, if you'll color these silly homework pictures for me.'

"If you don't bring me what I want, next year I'll go straight to the manufacturer in China!"

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."

"Okay, it's a deal...you two pay me the same amount as your parents are, and I'll let you stay up an extra two hours."

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

'Uh, Molly...Who's your little friend?'

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

"If you promise to be very careful, Mommy will let you carry the baguettes."

'Early to bed and early to rise. I like a saying with an escape clause.'