Back Rub Enthusiast Pillows

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

"They rubbed my tummy, chief- I told them everything."

Couples Massage

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

"Sorry Darling, I can't reach your itchy spot..."

'Will work for tummy rub.'

"Belly rubs are a gateway activity that leads to chasing bunnies and fetching frisbees."

'Sorry I'm late - I stopped off for a beer and a back rub.'

"The bad news is, no walk. The good news is, unlimited belly rubs, chase around the dining room table, salmon for dinner, and you're on my bed tonight."

"Combining our favorite pastimes of drinking, fishing and hot tubbing makes me realize... we should stop drinking."

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

'Only way I could get him to come was to tell him it was massage therapy.'

"I'm glad you're enjoying the massage feature on your new chair, but can you lower the setting a bit?"

"Don't panic, you're safe: he's my next appointment..."

Back scratcher

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

'This is the place I was telling you about.'

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

"Please excuse him...interns always worry patients don't think they're real doctors!"

"Just a belly rub today, Kitten."

"Ooooohhhh, that feels so good. Now, down and a little to the right, please."

Surgery.

"And if this prescription doesn't work, see if you can get someone to rub your belly. That always make me feel better."

"I like having my head scratched but what I really love is deep tissue massage."

"Basically, the job is hands on training."

Health Club Warning

Dogs enter lottery for belly rubs.

"Let's beach ourselves and get a massage."

Remote control vibrating armchair showdown.