Back Rub Aficionado Pillows

'Sorry I'm late - I stopped off for a beer and a back rub.'

'More bubbles!'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

'I also offer massage therapy.'

Lobster Hot Tub Party.

Couples Massage

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

"Sorry Darling, I can't reach your itchy spot..."

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'Oh boy, hot tubs!'

'It's the 'SPA KING 2000': Someone who spends as much time in the water as you do would love it...'

'Will work for tummy rub.'

"Belly rubs are a gateway activity that leads to chasing bunnies and fetching frisbees."

"The bad news is, no walk. The good news is, unlimited belly rubs, chase around the dining room table, salmon for dinner, and you're on my bed tonight."

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

"Combining our favorite pastimes of drinking, fishing and hot tubbing makes me realize... we should stop drinking."

'Remember, Harvey, the salesman said to not stay in the hot tub too long.'

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

"This hot tub isn't big enough for both of us either."

"I'm glad you're enjoying the massage feature on your new chair, but can you lower the setting a bit?"

"Don't panic, you're safe: he's my next appointment..."

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

Back scratcher

'This is the place I was telling you about.'

"I'm afraid the niceties of our underwater massage must remain a trade secret."

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

"Please excuse him...interns always worry patients don't think they're real doctors!"

"Just a belly rub today, Kitten."