Bachelor Lifestyle Analyst T-Shirts

'Don't drop dead.'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'...Please stop the...'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"Death coach..."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look! Man has been here!' 'Yeah, it must have been a man because the seat was left up.'

Does it spark joy?

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

"Thanks Mum, but I prefer to use twitter to enlarge the microcosms of daily life."

'What kind of...'

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

"Living Alone - It's just plain fun!"

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

Street sign: 'Life gets even more complicated here to corner.'

'I've got the iron.'

'Tele-barketer.'

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'

'You got the job, the family and now the fancy car. But it's not enough, is it? No, my friend, it's never enough.'

'Just so long as it doesn't lead to Math tests in church.'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

"... No, you're not my first husband. But, you're the first one who's ever been married to me."

'No, I'm not going to hate myself in the morning. I hate myself now!'

"I wouldn't usually say, 'she's always copying me' is grounds for divorce."