Bachelor Lifestyle Analyst T-Shirts

'Don't drop dead.'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'...Please stop the...'

"Death coach..."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

Does it spark joy?

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

"Thanks Mum, but I prefer to use twitter to enlarge the microcosms of daily life."

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

'What kind of...'

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

"Living Alone - It's just plain fun!"

'I've got the iron.'

'Tele-barketer.'

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

Street sign: 'Life gets even more complicated here to corner.'

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'

'You got the job, the family and now the fancy car. But it's not enough, is it? No, my friend, it's never enough.'

'Just so long as it doesn't lead to Math tests in church.'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

"... No, you're not my first husband. But, you're the first one who's ever been married to me."

'Your resume is great - but I'm always suspicious when a good man is easy to find.'

'Okey-doke,'

'No, I'm not going to hate myself in the morning. I hate myself now!'