Babywearing Gifts

"My baby is not on backwards - your baby is on backwards."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

'He was getting too heavy to carry around in my pouch.'

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

Beware of teething baby.

'We actually meant to order a baby monitor, but he was so cute we just had to keep him.'

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

'Gautier goes to Mothercare.'

Rocket priced prams.

Child in baby sling sees rucksack - 'I look like that?'

'Where's the steering wheel on this damn thing?'

Eskimo pram

"I thought I liked babies, but, as it turned out, I mainly like baby clothes."

'I bought it off the irregular rack, but I'm hoping he'll grow into it.'

"Shall we go talk with those au pairs?"

'Sorry folks. All these jokes can't be winners.'

"Let me guess -- first child?"

"It's a boy!"

'As his grandfather, I suggest you purchase the one with the side impact guards and heavy duty bumper.'

Parents with Babies

Pregnancy style expectation vs reality

'Seriously? You might want to throw a bit of pink on that to help people out.'

Pregnant footballer's wife.

'Does yours come with a trampoline?'

"Dude, you should wear it on the front. Chicks love that!"

"My grandchild deserves a good stroller, but this thing costs more than my first car!"

"The goal is to make sure all edges are softer than his head."

"Sometimes it seems you don't want to talk about baby strollers."

"It's new. You like it? I'm on the fence."