Baby Duty Warriors Pillows

Man disposes of baby's nappy in a toxin waste bin.

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

Changing the baby.

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"No, our company doesn't provide day care or maternity leave."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"He keeps touching me!"