Baby Duty Warriors Pillows

Man disposes of baby's nappy in a toxin waste bin.

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

Changing the baby.

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

That's my daughter, Alayna

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"No, our company doesn't provide day care or maternity leave."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

Pinata good bags.

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"He keeps touching me!"