Baby Budgeter Pillows

'Once they're born they immediately begin to depreciate.'

Baby World. Quick, honey, give me your hand - You can feel the wallet kicking!

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

"I just..."

Babies.

'I couldn't imagine bringing a child into the current fiscal-cliffy world.'

"The good news is that profits are up 76%. . . The BAD news is that costs are up 83%."

"This guy might like fiddling with numbers, Dad – but is he any good at sums?"

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'Wow, my own desk!'

Small Businesses Go Under.

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

"The company must save money. That's why we've got to be easy on the carpet."

7.9% Fewer Drones

'The legislation HR2109 would increase state aid to education. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you.'

Serious bummer! The bank says I'm overdrawn.

Budget Munchies

'Good news I'm ten percent under budget.'

Number 2 in a series of unlikely events: "There's more money in the budget than we know what to do with so you don't need to ask me every time you just need to spend a few hundred quid."

'He's showing an interest in banking and finance.'

Everything became too freaking expensive today.

Gas prices up.

'My expense account isn't what it used to be. So for lunch I'm taking you fishing, and we'll eat what we catch.'

Insurance PremiumsGrowth Chart,

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

Rocket priced prams.

Don't take my money.

Thrift: bathe fully dressed and wash your clothes at the same time

The Elephant in the Corner.

'I guess I should have paid the foundation bill.'

'To make a long story short, your biological clock has jet lag.'