Awkward Silence Navigator T-Shirts

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

"Go about a foot and take a right, then it's the second left, no, no ... the third left, then straight …"

An Introvert's Guide to Surviving a Party

Develop Your Social Skills: Asking Questions is a Great Way to Keep a Conversation Going.

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

Along with being the first passengers on the space elevator, Fenwick and Charles set a new world record for longest awkward elevator silence.

'I'm tired of all the small talk.'

"I told you it was too soon to give him The Talk."

"Let's welcome our new member, Bob!" "You, too!" "'You, too'? Idiot!"

"Let's not discuss it."

"Try and stop me if you’ve heard this one before …"

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"We must be in the wrong wing."

"Try to play with a kid whose parent isn't too chatty."

'Wilcox! Do come in...I'm just leaving!'

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"With the benefit of hindsight, do you feel it was wise to dedicate your first children's book to Hitler?"

"I know all about the birds and bees, but what's all this about 'erectile dysfunction?'"

"The kids got candy and all I got were disturbed looks."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "My son's expressing curiosity about... well... you know." "I'm worried that maybe it's time to have the talk. How do I tell him about... you know... without making it seem like a good thing? I don't want him to go out and... you know." "I just want him to know how the... you know... works with the... you know... without making him want to go out and... you know." "Maybe you should buy him a book and call it a day." "I don't know..."

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

A rowing cox takes a taxi cab.

Desperate to break the ice, Bob and Lilly attempt 360s.

''The birds and the bees'? — Why, son, they're the most dangerous animals known to man!'

"Suddenly I can't think of anything to chirp."

'Something's wrong -- yesterday, the sun set in the West.'

Worry about everything that might happen/Me/Be ready for nothing that does happen.

I brought a little ice breaker.'

A young man creating an awkward silence

"It's been a wonderful evening, Fred -- Please don't spoil it by making me squirt you with pepper spray."

"Here comes Gail—everyone play dead."