Awkward Conversation Navigator T-Shirts

"Come with me. I've found someone who'll talk square footage with you."

"Try and stop me if you’ve heard this one before …"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "My son's expressing curiosity about... well... you know." "I'm worried that maybe it's time to have the talk. How do I tell him about... you know... without making it seem like a good thing? I don't want him to go out and... you know." "I just want him to know how the... you know... works with the... you know... without making him want to go out and... you know." "Maybe you should buy him a book and call it a day." "I don't know..."

"I know all about the birds and bees, but what's all this about 'erectile dysfunction?'"

''The birds and the bees'? — Why, son, they're the most dangerous animals known to man!'

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"Go about a foot and take a right, then it's the second left, no, no ... the third left, then straight …"

An Introvert's Guide to Surviving a Party

"Look, you asked me what my favorite book was and it just happens to be A Farewell to Arms."

Develop Your Social Skills: Asking Questions is a Great Way to Keep a Conversation Going.

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

'I'm tired of all the small talk.'

"I told you it was too soon to give him The Talk."

Coming Soon: The G.P.S. for Conversations

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

'Wilcox! Do come in...I'm just leaving!'

"Well, I guess if breathing through your mouth has kept you alive this far..."

Conversation Starter Kit

"Try to play with a kid whose parent isn't too chatty."

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

"People don't understand that alcoholism is a hazard of my profession!"

"The kids got candy and all I got were disturbed looks."

"You should have told me you needed advice."

"Isn't there a TED Talk he can listen to about the birds and the bees?"

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

"Brad, we've got to talk."

A rowing cox takes a taxi cab.

'Something's wrong -- yesterday, the sun set in the West.'