Awkward Romance Aficionado Gifts

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

Mantis Love

In Desperate Straits.

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

Storage Unit of Love

'You and Phil make a great couple. You're perfect for each other!'

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'I'm developing a foot fetish.'

'Look Clara, I'm telling you for the last time, it's not me who's crazy. It's Eusebius.'

'He's not getting lucky tonight. He smells too good.'

'Wow, 600 lbs of dark chocolate signals that you won't mind my inevitable obesity.'

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

'I even love the way you snore!'

I can't bear to be without you.

"Oh Darling, you're spoiling me! I've never tried tropical fish!"

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

"I find myself strangely attracted to you."

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

'You are very deer to me.'

Frankie and Johnny were lovers...

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

"...so you'll finish it off with a felt tip."

"Your eyes are like limpid pools. Allergies hitting you pretty bad, huh?"

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

'Of course you're my first - Why do you men always ask that question?'

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

'I love you and my hair loves you.'

Carbon Dating

Near-sighted goose falls in love with saxophone.

Tortoise Falls In Love With A Football.

Mouse on mouse action.

Your shoulders are like silk. For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.

"The morning light, the perfect framing of your body in the doorway—dear husband, I'm spellbound."