Awkward Conversation Survivors Gifts

Small talk: 'Wow that's really interesting. I've never actually been to Los Angeles, but I do have some friends there. Do you know Lisa Schwartz?'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Very Difficult Conversations

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

'Where do you see yourself five years from now?'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

Livin' the dream

"So where do you see yourself in 5 years apart from a thousand miles from this f****** s**thole?"

'Have you noticed it, too?'

Before birds and bees,

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

"Isn't there a TED Talk he can listen to about the birds and the bees?"

"The aliens that control my brain really want me to get this job."

It was the harshest job interviews Peter had ever attended...

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

"My last job was as a mine interpreter...I would go to a park and describe what the mime was trying to convey."

"Your credentials are certainly impressive."

'The interview panel will see you now.'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Is there any particular reason your middle name is stinky?'

"Hell and back. Very impressive."

"Oh, the pain I can take—it's the awkward silence between conversations that's torture."

"Can you handle a variety of jobs?"

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

"I really am young at heart: I got a 34 year old's in a transplant."