Awkward Charmer Gifts

'I'm not sure I want to see you again, but just in case, I've backed you up on a flash drive.'

'I'm not very good at chatting up beautiful women so I'm trying my hand with ordinary ones.'

What price beauty?

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"To be honest I'd rather make love not war, but my chat-up lines are terrible."

Gerald's first ever date remains on track.

"OK, here comes Sylvia Sanchez...it's a perfect time to ask her to the homecoming dance."

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

'As long as I stand here I'm safe. . . no stress. . . no pressure. . . no need to impress. . . I can just relax and be who I am. . .'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"Ice rink"

"Somewhere along the line the world got a whole lot dorkier."

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

Nethead strip: Dates

The plumber asks out the cable lady.

What a pear?

'You know how they say, no matter how bad you got it, there's always someone worse off? Well I'm that someone.'

Dr Atkins on a date: 'Why does he keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat?'

Snake Charmer

"Statistically speaking, there's got to be at least one woman in there who's looking for the awkward sensitive type."

"Hey, not bad! You sound like a real couple already!"

'I adore a man of many parts.'

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

Send. End.