Awards Aficionado T-Shirts

"Creative, imaginative, and fierce-these are just a few of the words that I'm reading off the teleprompter."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"And the Oscar for best wardrobe in a film based on a 17th century picaresque novel goes to..."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Soccer coach of the year.

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Barbie Oscars

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

Geoffrey Rush

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

Norman E-Mailer

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

"I want to thank all the little people."