Award Aficionados T-Shirts

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

'I deserve a medal for compiling this lot!'

"This won best award show last year."

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

Less know medals

'I still say I should have won.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Soccer coach of the year.

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Barbie Oscars

Geoffrey Rush

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Norman E-Mailer

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."