Awaiting Medical Results Pillows

Why do medical test results always come back on a Monday so we have to wait through the whole weekend to get our life-and-death results? You've signed a mouthful.

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Late BroomStick

Waiting for Pants

Test your patience, back in one hour.

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Examiners.

"Only four more weeks before school is out...and then we're free for the time of our lives!"

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"I see some improvement but you're not out of the woods yet!"

"Coffee?! After 20 minutes of waiting, I'm FULLY awake without one."

The interminable!

'At this rate nine months is going to take forever.'

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'Do you offer transcend dental medication?'

"Two minutes, 40 seconds. Next ... Two minutes, 53 seconds. Next ..."

"By the time we go in, I'll be too old for a pediatrician."

"First, the good news; you're not sterile."

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"The cat's sleeping." "She's so comfy." "If I move I'll wake her up." "The phone is ringing... They'll call back later." "I'm hungry... But it'll pass." "Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

"My Alzheimers doctor. What can I do?"

'Waiting for...'

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

I stood in line for an hour only to find out there's a height requirement. You must be this tall. Waits and measures!

Your cough IS unproductive, but I'm more concerned by your unmotivated sneezes, your apathetic earache, and your sniffles' overall lack of ambition.

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

Suspense

"Welcome to the Department of Delayed Gratification. Take a number."

An accident waiting to happen.