Seeking Medical Reassurance Pillows

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"Don't worry, darling. You'll happen."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"You must cut down on your smoking."

'You've never starved a fever, have you?'

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

"You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping meals, and jumping to conclusions won't help you."

Do Not Confuse Your Internet Search With my Medical Degree!

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

'When you put on a new patch you're meant to take the old one off!'

Greed

"Your next fattened kid could be your last."