Avid News Watcher Gifts

Heat Warning

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"Gifted class, indeed! One is gifted in science, but can't rad - one is fixed in reading, but won't even try math..."

"Mrs. Berg calls my book report a finely crafted debut and she looks forward to my next effort."

"Barb's such a fast reader."

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

After defeating terror, George and his friends declare war on mild irritation and clouds.

"It's the new Trump Tower..."

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

The North Portico of the White House runs away crying.

The search for Weapons of Mass Destruction

"Did you ask for the large print edition?"

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

"Worst budget cuts ever!"

Hard Border

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

TV vs Reading

"So in conclusion it's an absolute sh*t show... That'll be £450 million please."

'So...who do you think you will vote for?'

"Gentlemen, I'm afraid things are worse than we thought."

'Go and fish Darling, I'll be fine: I have some reading for the next few weeks...'

Virginia Foxx Caricature

"You've increased your prices again! Why?" "Take your pick..."

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

"A Ms. Ramona Bissell of West Allison, Vermont, writes, 'What the hell is going on?' We here at WVCN think that question deserves an answer."

The Subtitle

The Marriage of Alternative Facts

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."