Avid News Watcher Gifts

Heat Warning

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"Gifted class, indeed! One is gifted in science, but can't rad - one is fixed in reading, but won't even try math..."

"Barb's such a fast reader."

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

"Mrs. Berg calls my book report a finely crafted debut and she looks forward to my next effort."

After defeating terror, George and his friends declare war on mild irritation and clouds.

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

"It's the new Trump Tower..."

The North Portico of the White House runs away crying.

The search for Weapons of Mass Destruction

"Did you ask for the large print edition?"

Masters of Political Oratory

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

"Worst budget cuts ever!"

"Tractors, Sir - thousands of 'em!"

Hard Border

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"So in conclusion it's an absolute sh*t show... That'll be £450 million please."

TV vs Reading

"Gentlemen, I'm afraid things are worse than we thought."

'So...who do you think you will vote for?'

Dog Training. Most of the choices the dogs made for their book reports are logical. The labrador retriever chose "Catch-22." The terrier, who loves to dig, chose "Journey to the Center of the Earth." The basset hound is doing his on "The Howling." and the shar-pei picked "A Wrinkle in Time." But the dachshund's choice confuses me. Even with the ground-hugging physique, he selected "Wuthering Heights."

'Go and fish Darling, I'll be fine: I have some reading for the next few weeks...'

How Do You Take Your Evil?

Virginia Foxx Caricature

"You've increased your prices again! Why?" "Take your pick..."

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

The Subtitle

"A Ms. Ramona Bissell of West Allison, Vermont, writes, 'What the hell is going on?' We here at WVCN think that question deserves an answer."

The Marriage of Alternative Facts