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'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

"Overruled."

"Oh, Joy of joys! We are but three steps away from our conservative supreme court."

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

"Yes, you were found guilty of the same crime in 2004."

"Do I have to pay the plaintiff the same amount again for each rerun of my case on TV?"

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a living Constitution!'

Supine Court

"I get all my life-critical data from TV."

'Remember, Son - You're never too young to litigate.'

'Great news, Ma! Judge Judy, Judge Koch, Judge Lane Mills, Judge Brown and Judge Mathis are fighting over trying me on TV!'

"Yes, but I'm not just any judge, I'm a TV judge."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"I interpret the death penalty according to the times."

'You think I don't like oatmeal predicated on the fact that I haven't had it in forty-seven years but there is no substantial reason based solely on breakfast choices I might have made in front of or to you for you to make that assumption.'

'A person has to eat. Right, Judge?'

Lawyer watching "The Feud Network"

'I had a rogue prosecutor, judge, jury and appellate court.'

Paranormal Inactivity

"I get the feeling she's keeping an eye on us."

"It would have been a no-fault divorce if the judge wasn't happily married for 30 years!"

As it turned out, that was a lie too.

'My plea? -- the usual, I guess.'

Upcoming Federal Case? Try the: Supreme Court Gift Guide

Mean Judge

"That one is the hold out juror who made the trial last so long."

'We interrupt our regular programming to bring you the football season....'

'You can't sentence the defendant to serve jury duty also.'

My wife is talking to me again- through her solicitor.

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