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'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

"Overruled."

"Oh, Joy of joys! We are but three steps away from our conservative supreme court."

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

"Do I have to pay the plaintiff the same amount again for each rerun of my case on TV?"

"Yes, you were found guilty of the same crime in 2004."

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a living Constitution!'

"I get all my life-critical data from TV."

Supine Court

'Remember, Son - You're never too young to litigate.'

"Yes, but I'm not just any judge, I'm a TV judge."

"I interpret the death penalty according to the times."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'You think I don't like oatmeal predicated on the fact that I haven't had it in forty-seven years but there is no substantial reason based solely on breakfast choices I might have made in front of or to you for you to make that assumption.'

'I had a rogue prosecutor, judge, jury and appellate court.'

'A person has to eat. Right, Judge?'

"I get the feeling she's keeping an eye on us."

"It would have been a no-fault divorce if the judge wasn't happily married for 30 years!"

Lawyer watching "The Feud Network"

As it turned out, that was a lie too.

'We interrupt our regular programming to bring you the football season....'

'You can't sentence the defendant to serve jury duty also.'

'My plea? -- the usual, I guess.'

"That one is the hold out juror who made the trial last so long."

My wife is talking to me again- through her solicitor.

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"I'm a paralegal. I don't exactly represent the defendant, but I'm in his corner, so to speak."